What are your beliefs about yourself?
Do you think you are beautiful, smart, sexy, funny, capable?
Do you have those moments when something you have done really feels like an achievement and you are just so proud?
OR is it the opposite?
Is your self talk negative and berating?
You can't accept compliments and worse of all you keep COMPARING your self to everyone out there constantly.
Why can't I have what they have? be like them? do what they do? and the list goes on.
Comparison is a bitch and really lowers your energy.
Comparison is very common amongst us humans, its connected to jealousy and envy, resistance and lack of confidence.
How do we stop this Comparison caper?
First step - Acknowledge you are doing it. Recognise it!
Second Step - Take a step back from Social Media!
Social Media has magnified this Comparison caper. I know right? Here we are sitting in front of computers and devices, getting a birds eye view of the best of peoples lives, businesses and relationships, getting caught in the..........'They have such perfect lives. What am I doing wrong? How do they do it? How do they get it? I must suck at this right? I'm hopeless!'
No way! its unrealistic to compare yourself to posts, photos and comments that are from just one aspect of a persons life. We are always going to lead with our best foot forward in the public eye. We don't just walk up to people and empty the bucket of our personal business right there and then. It takes time and trust and rapport to share our vulnerable stuff. Social Media sucks me in to the Comparison caper but I slap myself out it and remember to get a reality check by taking a break and get back to real life and real relationships. This can be tricky especially when running a business and having to be on social media but you know its still ok to step away, just like you would from the office, when the day is done and the doors are closed.
Third step - Make time to sit in a quite space and ask yourself these questions, writing the answers down as you go
Whats a Trigger Point you ask? It can be an old belief system in place, sitting in our subconscious going around and around, ready to pounce when the pain button is pushed.
An example might look like this..... in your childhood someone may have always said
'why can't you be more like ........' which can instill a belief that we aren't good enough just the way we are
OR 'yeah thats ok but it would be better if.........' which can instill a belief of what we are doing is not good enough, that even if we try we just don't cut it
OR they may have lead out of fear with their comments, coming from their own beliefs which can drag you down, just know this is not always intentional.
It really comes down to the language those wonderful well meaning people used, if it was our parents they may have been trying to motivate us to try a bit harder, or they wanted better for us than they had or got. Maybe someone saw something in us that we didn't know we had and decided we needed a push.
Communication is key here thats why when we ask ourselves the above questions, it gives us an opportunity to see where the trigger point lies, taking us back to some memories of situations and now as an adult we can communicate to ourselves a new story, changing that belief system to set us free and see ourselves in a more positive way.
How do we do that?
SELF CARE is key!
We will still admire, honour, respect and love what others are doing, and we are able to draw inspiration from others, isn't that what happens in the world.
There is enough to go around for everyone. We live in an abundance universe if we have the ability to tap in, we are able to draw from it anytime.
Lets not get stuck in the 'well they are already doing it, if I do it now it will seem I'm copying'
OR 'They have the market on that one' etc etc.
NO no no, how many people talk about self care, gratitude, healing, health coaching? LOADS but it is not going to stop me from standing in my truth, being my authentic self and offering my services, support and love to those who resonate with me.
Have I had self doubt, and negative self talk around comparison?
You bet ya I have and it has caused resistance, many stand stills and dread to name a few. Do I get stuck in not be able to live up to the next person and think what now? Yep, but with walking my talk and following the above steps I have pushed through and learnt what's needed in the moment and will continue to learn so much about myself and what I am capable of.
Comparison may always pop in but when we can recognise it for what it really is, we then have a choice to work through and unravel the emotion, pain or old stories attached. Lets change the perception around comparison from the dread it makes us feel, to accepting that massive change is about to occur and although it may even be a painful process, exciting things come when we are on the other side.
Remember this - Your life is perfect in all its imperfection!
Much love xo